Birthdays all around

Remember what I said about being "full and ready" at 2 days past my due date?  Ok, fast forward a week and I finally go into labor.
Then stop.
Then go.
Then stop.
Then go.
Because that was what my labor was like.  For two days.  But, as my midwife kept reminding me through this pregnancy, all kids come out sometime and he won't stay in forever.  And he didn't!
This little bundle of awesomeness was born at 1:14am on Oct 31 (Yes, Halloween.  Also Reformation Day)

Although things took what seemed to be a very long time, I am so happy we were able to birth at home this time around.  I felt so much more relaxed being in my own room with just my husband, mom and midwife there.  Afterward I was able to curl up in my own bed with my baby and his daddy and zonk out.  It was exactly what I needed after the stress of my first son's birth.

Baby C is happy and healthy.  We are learning so much about each other every day.  The hubby has been able to stay home from work all this week and look after Toddler J which has been amazing and really given me a chance to rest and heal.

Monday will be our first day home just Mommy and the kids.  No, I'm not nervous about that at all, why do you ask? (While my inner voice is screaming "Help me!")

And in other news, today is my 30th birthday.  Which is a very strange thing to say.  I had a list of goals somewhere to complete by now.  Some of them are done (like buying a house! that one I had not expected to come true yet), while others remain a dream. One of the reasons they remain a dream is because I've put some stuff on hold to have and take care of my children.  And much as I am feeling my age today, and all the things I haven't done yet, I have to look at these boys in amazement and awe and wonder how it is I have been blessed with (and tasked with) raising such smart, fun, beautiful children.

Today I'm going to try to own my birthday, and be satisfied with what I have accomplished.  When I think of things I haven't done, I will try to put them in the future - haven't done yet.

Close to the end

I'm coming to the end of my second pregnancy.  At two days past my "due" date I am feeling full and ready.  I know that the baby will come when he is ready, but the waiting game is hard.  Hormones are playing havoc with my emotions, and not sleeping well does not help matters.

Family helps.  Being with my parents, my sisters, my in-laws, gives me some rest both emotionally and physically.  It's not that J is hard to deal with, it's just that he's another person that I have to give attention to.  And as much as it's difficult to say, it's nice to have a break from being the main attention source for my son.

Church helps.  Music, corporate worship, the reminder that God cares for us and is watching over us are all comforts to me.  Last Sunday the message was on Psalm 42, and even though I was interpreting at the time it was an encouragement to me.

Sunshine helps.  Gloom lets me wallow, and wallowing is depressing and when depressed I am unable to be the mother and wife I want to be.

J helps.  Today while we were waiting for my dad to show up he climbed up into as much of my lap as was available so he could play with me.  Then he asked for cuddles and when I hugged him he spontaneously said "I love you, Mommy."  These are the golden moments I wish I could cherish forever.

My husband helps.  He has been nothing but supportive through all my emotional and physical ups and downs.  He supports my desire to birth outside of a hospital and has been to 95% of my prenatal visits with me.  He rubs my back, he reminds me to eat, and he doesn't criticize when I just need a nap or can't do the laundry or the house isn't *clean*.

God helps.  All of these things and these people have been put in my life by Him, and I cannot thank Him enough for being ever by my side.  I hate to think what I would become without His Light and Love to guide me.

Just a couple of pictures

When did this beautiful baby (1 year ago)

become this amazing little boy?

 

Sick

My son has been sick since Friday and, of course, shared with me.  We haven't been sleeping much.  I am worn out.  And tired.  And wish I didn't have a head full of snot.  So here's to looking at the good things that I have experienced since Friday morning after a night of about 3 hours of sleep and 4 hours of dozing/waking up constantly to comfort my baby.

1. Friday morning my mom came over to watch J briefly while my dad took me to get some baby medication.  He bought me coffee.  It made me feel human.

2. Sat evening Stacey bought us Chinese food and COKE.  I got Coke!

3. The we got to pick up my sister from the airport as she has been in Florida for a week filming a tv show (read about her adventures here: http://silencestressed.wordpress.com/).

4. Sunday morning we woke up having had more sleep than the last 2 nights put together and cuddled in bed as a family till the ridiculously late hour of 8:30 (if you have toddlers you might understand that I'm not being sarcastic when I say this was very late for us).

5. Day old cinnamon crunch bagels for breakfast (thank you, Nikki!).

6. Sesame Street on Netflix.

7. The opportunity to go to Walmart Sunday evening which gave me a short break from my beloved son, netted me another Coke and ran us into my other sister who was there for vehicle checkup.  Which meant we stood and talked for 30 minutes while playing with squishy balls in the kids section.

8. Robin eggs (the candy, not the baby bird kind) from my mom.

9. My husband is being very supportive and understanding and helpful and generally awesome.

10. II Corinthians.  I'm not keeping up my reading schedule as well as I would like, but it is so worth it when I do read what I am supposed to.

This too shall pass. Now I need to go find the Kleenex...

A simple truth

I've been thinking.

(Which leads me to say, "A dangerous prospect."  I know.)

Last night I was in something of a depression.  I had again the realization that I am not the best at anything, I am not the top in any of my fields.  In the past the way I have dealt with this is to remind myself that no one has my particular mix of talents, but this wasn't helping last night because I went on to thinking that there are a lot of people out there who are better than me at a lot of things and if I can't be great at something what does it matter if I am mediocre at a lot of things??

Like I said, I was in something of a depression.

But I stumbled across a truth that I have neglected to remember for quite some time: it doesn't matter.  Recognition of people, no matter how good it feels, is not important.

What is important is how God sees me.  His opinion is the only one that matters.  And if I can remember that it makes my life so much more simple.

Sure, I want that recognition from people, I want people to tell me I'm doing a good job at (insert word here).  But I am reminded that it isn't important.

I'm not the best at (insert word here) - but so what?  Does God care?  No.  God wants me to Love.  He wants me to love Him and to love other people.

And here's the kicker: the Creator of the universe Loves ME.

And that's what needs to color my world.

Blogs, bears and diapers

The other day some friends and I were talking about blogs.  Some blog owners seem to be perfect: every post is about some wonderful activity they did with their child, the perfect dinner they cooked for their family, or the beautiful sunset that made their day.  Other bloggers talk about the good stuff and the bad stuff, which can be more encouraging to those of us who have a mix of good stuff and bad stuff going on in our lives (read: everybody).  Sometimes it is nice to read ideas and recipes and wonderfulness.  Other times it can be nice to know that we aren't alone in our "What do I do with this child now?" or "He's running naked through the house because he doesn't want a clean diaper," and "Oh look, he's playing in the toilet again," times.

Yesterday I had a mix of good and bad.  I could not figure out how to wear my boy out for his nap - everything I could think of was messy and I had just gotten him in clean clothes and I just wanted to sit him down and let him watch Sesame Street.  Then he had a poopy diaper and I had a good moment (yeah, those two things would not normally go together).  See, lately J has been back and forth on diaper changes - sometimes he'll lie there just fine and sometimes (more often lately) he freaks out and squirms and generally attempts escape (remember the earlier comment about running naked through the house? Yeah, that).  Well, he especially dislikes getting a poopy diaper changed.  So yesterday, right before changing him, we "changed" his bear's diaper (read: we wiped his bear down and put a diaper on him).  IT WORKED SO WELL.  I cannot express how exciting it was to then change J's diaper while he lay there calmly and wiped Pooh Bear down again.  So I tried it this morning when he was throwing his usually morning diaper fit and IT WORKED AGAIN.

I might not be the mom who can always find a cool, learning activity for my child, but darn it, I can change my child's diaper!

And sometimes, that's all the success I need for one day.

Home again, home again

 Yes, we wore coordinating red and black the Sunday before Christmas :)

Mommy and J dancing Christmas Eve morning (which is when we celebrated just the 3 of us).

My Little Geek is an ABC book - for both of my boys to enjoy!

 Little thief likes to steal Mommy's water.

We celebrated Christmas multiple times with multiple family members. Saw The Hubby's dad and his wife Sat, spent Christmas Eve with my wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Christmas Eve we went to the service at church which was very low key and wonderful. The Hubby and I sang, my sister read a Christmas story she had written a while back and my brother gave a sermonette (are you sensing a pattern here?). We sang lots and lots of carols and it was peaceful and happy and I loved it. Then Christmas Day we headed over to my folks' and spent the day there (and got to see MIL and SIL again when they gave for dinner!).

Then last weekend we headed up to see The Hubby's grandparents, and back here in time for New Year's Eve. Family is fantastic. Holidays are heavenly. I cherish the celebration of Christ's birth. And now I'm very happy to be home and settled back in.

Oh yeah, and we'll be moving at the end of the month. Guess there's not a whole lot of relaxing that's going to happen after all!