Being a mom is weird

Our Renaissance Festival season started Labor Day weekend, which meant an entire 3 days of being away from my son.  I got to see him in the mornings when I woke him up to feed him and by the time we got home at night he was already in bed.  I missed him dreadfully.  The first day, Saturday, was the hardest.  I thought Monday would actually be the worst in terms of missing him, but Mon we were dealing with heat exhaustion and dehydration issues and in between helping people get sent to the hospital I was trying to make sure I did not fall under the same problems.

Did not have a lot of time to go about missing my son.

Which I promptly felt bad about when I thought about it later.

My friend says that the festival weekends for her were a break from her son so that when she went back to him at the beginning of the week she felt rejuvenated and ready to spend quality time together and not just time.

Am I defective?  First, I feel guilty for leaving J and miss him all day long.  Then I am distracted by performing and work and everything and feel guilty because I didn't miss him as badly.  Then, when I do get home to him and we have all day together, I get frustrated because he has trouble napping and I hand him off to my husband when he gets home because I have run out of ways to entertain a tired, teething, tantrum throwing toddler.

Oh yes, the toddler tantrums: where J lays his head down on the floor - sometimes with his bum still in the air - and cries because I won't let him play in the garbage (or some other such thing).

Last Fri I taught J how to sign "Thank you".  Because I wasn't with him practicing all weekend I did not have high hopes when I told him to say "thank you" on Tue.  But he did it!  And will do it consistently!  He doesn't usually do it on his own, but anytime I tell him to say "thank you" or ask him "what do you say?" after I give him something he will bring his tiny little hand up to his mouth like he is blowing kisses.  Sweetest. Thing. Ever.

Speaking of, when he's in the right mood he'll give you kisses.  He'll say "mmm" and bring his face in towards yours.  Makes my heart melt every time.

He will bring me books and occasionally sign "book" when he wants me to read to him.  We have reached the point where he wants some books read over and over and over again (haha, drove my mom crazy on Sunday when she was babysitting for him).  I give up after the 3rd time and switch the book out for something else.  He's not always happy about it but we don't usually get tantrums there.

I love my son.  I love spending time with him and I love watching him grow and develop and change.  I'm so thankful for the opportunity to stay home with him during the day.  And I guess I'm thankful for the opportunity to see what it would be like to be away from him everyday.

But I'm glad that my weekends will once again be free come the middle of October.  I'm ready to go apple picking!