Monday, February 20, 2012


Some days J refuses to be put down.  And by "refuses" I mean he cries incessantly until I pick him up again.  Those times it is usually that he is tired or sick or (lately) teething.  Other days he will play by himself for 30 minutes at a time until he gets bored and needs a change of toy or location.  
Currently he is lying on the floor talking to me, but I think he's reaching his limit and will need a nap soon.
Yup, nap time.
My sister's daughter is sick.  I feel bad for them both but I can't do much to help - if I could go babysit her for a bit while Dana goes out I would, but having a child of my own precludes that possibility.
So many things change having a child.
In many ways I feel more limited: going out, cleaning my house, taking time with friends are all things that are harder now I have a tiny person around to see to.  
But in other ways having a son has freed me: it is infinitely easier for me to talk to many of the women at my church now that we share motherhood in common, and I certainly have more confidence when it comes to watching other children now I know from personal experience that I won't break them.
There is a confidence that comes with motherhood which makes war with the self-doubt and second guessing I do as a parent.  
The confidence which shows itself when my baby cries only until I take him; the love felt when my son reaches for me and clings to my neck in a baby hug; and the joy shared when I get him to laugh out loud.  That I, as a mother, can sooth hurts physical or emotional is one of the ways God shows me I am the right person for this job no matter what my concerns or fears might be on any given day.

"And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever. Amen." Phil 4:19-20

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